Alphonse S Plan

[21:28] <Minaplo> [Mr. Blue sauntered along, a tray of glasses balancing precariously on his right hand. Above him, an electric light bulb flickered indecisively. He turned his head as he walked, looking at the man behind him. "You did say this Wellesley drinks, right?"-
[21:30] <Minaplo> [The Brofessor sighed, pushing at his glasses irritably. "I said he had a tolerance for it. He's a Companion, they all do."-
[21:30] <Minaplo> ["That's -kinda- the same thing, though."-
[21:31] <Minaplo> ["It is not." Protested the Brofessor. "Look, I think this idea-"-
[21:47] <Minaplo> ["Is totally awesome." Said Mr. Blue, spinning about to face the Brofessor, the amber liquid in the glasses sloshing about. Blue was still walking, just backwards. "We give 'im a few drinks, he opens up…"-
[21:53] <Minaplo> ["What do you even want to get from him?"-
[21:54] <Minaplo> ["… I dunno." Said Mr. Blue, stopping so suddenly that the Brofessor nearly plowed into him. "I figured he has to have -some- cool shit to talk about. Mad gossip on the other ODs, sappy teen love poems…"-
[21:56] <Minaplo> [The Brofessor rolled his eyes. "Wellesley has almost certainly written no love poems. He probably doesn't even feel anything for that Ayanami. …Why would you even -want-?"-
[22:06] <Minaplo> ["So I can laugh at them, and…" Mr. Blue furrowed his brow. "You for real? I thought Welles and Ayanami Rei were crazy about each other."-
[22:11] <Minaplo> ["It's… possible. But Wellesley spent a decade in the Alexander Programme and not once did he engage with the opposite sex. Or, for that matter, the same sex, which lost me a lot of money back in the day."-
[22:12] <Minaplo> ["Regardless, I find it based on -that- inductive viewpoint to surmise that he is actually stringing her along, knowing that she is both naive and quite powerful. She'd make a perfect bodyguard in that condition."-
[22:19] <Minaplo> ["Finally, the Wellesley I remember is far too obsessed with success. He wouldn't consort with a subordinate."-
[22:19] <Minaplo> [There was a pause.-
[22:20] <Minaplo> ["-Wow-, you're kind of a dick." Said Mr. Blue, scratching his cheek. "Hearing all of that, I feel like going and slashin' myself up somewhere. God."-
[22:22] <Minaplo> ["Shut up." Snapped the Brofessor. "Look, all I'm saying is that Wellesley surprises the human race every day through the act of locomotion despite having to endure a building pylon in his nether regions. He won't drink."-
[23:09] <Minaplo> ["Bet he will." Said Mr. Blue, poking his tongue out at the Brofessor before swivelling about. He marched up to Alphonse's door and rap-rap-rapped upon it before opening it.-
[23:20] <Minaplo> [Alphonse was lying on the bed. He wasn't asleep, but he was clearly in a drowse, presumably from pure boredom. He looked over at the opening door and his eyes woke, going narrow. "Oh God, it's you."-
[23:28] <Minaplo> ["Yeah, it's me." Said Mr. Blue cheerily. "How's the bed there, Welly?" He grinned, placing the tray on a nearby table. "Bet it's pretty lonely~"-
[23:30] <Minaplo> [The Brofessor took in the room. It was… Not a bad room, with a big soft bed and lights, and a desk, and bedside tables, a remote-operated dumb waiter in the wall, and an en suite, but there were no books, no televisions or computers, or telephones or anything of the sort. Simply put, it was…-
[23:36] <Minaplo> ["If you're trying to break me through boredom, then I can't fault your technique." Muttered Alphonse. He -was- supremely bored, but Mr. Blue threw him off kilter. Alphonse had expected to be thrown in a cell and interrogated. This -was- a prison of a kind, but he didn't know how to cope with the guestlikefeeling the room tried to instil.-
[23:37] <Minaplo> [… And besides, he was missing Rei.-
[23:38] <Minaplo> [He tried to redirect his mind from those thoughts, knowing they'd only hurt right now, so instead he took a deep breath and tensed up, primarily so he could shoot Mr. Blue a fierce glare. "What do you want, anyway? You send food through the dumb waiter, so-"-
[23:53] <Minaplo> ["Drinks!" Said Mr. Blue cheerfully, thumbing at the tray. "Nice cognac!"-
[23:53] <Minaplo> ["… Why?"-
[23:54] <Minaplo> ["Because drinks are awesome? God, I thought you'd be -happy- to get something to do here."-
[00:03] <Minaplo> ["No." Said Alphonse.-
[00:04] <Minaplo> ["Told you." Said the Brofessor smugly.-
[00:04] <Minaplo> ["Aw, c'mon." Said Mr. Blue. "It's only a little dr-"-
[00:12] <Minaplo> ["No." Repeated Alphonse, holding up three fingers. "One: I did not see the bottle this so-called cognac comes from, so I cannot ascertain its quality or, indeed, if you've poisoned it. Two: I pour my own drinks. Three: I will not drink Cognac with you. Cognac is a soft drink suited to soft situations. I drink it at meetings with colleagues or friends. If I am going to find 'fun' in this you will need to bring me an unopened bottle of something strong."-
[00:43] <Minaplo> ["Hah!" Shouted Mr. Blue, turning and jabbing a finger into the Brofessor's chest. "See? He's totally gonna booze it. You keep this up and I'll get a new infomancer."-
[00:44] <Minaplo> [The Brofessor rolled his eyes. "He's being an idiot. He wouldn't do this in a normal setting-"-
[00:44] <Minaplo> ["Too bad!" Mr. Blue leapt to his feet. "Oh man, you wait and see. You wait. I'll be back, you two, stay here, I just got the best idea-"-
[00:45] <Minaplo> [Five minutes passed before Mr. Blue returned, a pair of bottles in hand. The seals were indeed uncracked, the labels clear and true, and the liquor…-
[00:45] <Minaplo> ["… Blue." Began the Brofessor, staring at the bottles.-
[00:45] <Minaplo> ["… Blue, is that absinthe?"-
[00:45] <Minaplo> ["Totally fucking is."-
[00:45] <Minaplo> ["I can't watch you two do this."-
[00:50] <Minaplo> [Mr. Blue stared the Brofessor in the eye.-
[00:50] <Minaplo> [He slowly took out three glasses from his coat.-
[00:50] <Minaplo> ["…"-
[00:50] <Minaplo> ["…"-
[00:51] <Minaplo> [The Brofessor let out a long, put-upon groan. "Do you do this to Rosaria, pray tell?"-
[00:52] <Minaplo> ["Nope. Rosaria isn't bitchin' like you." He punched the Brofessor in the arm, then settled himself onto the bed, looking over at Alphonse.-
[00:52] <Minaplo> [Alphonse scowled.-
[00:52] <Minaplo> ["What's the matter?" Crooned Mr. Blue. "Am I in your baby doll's spot?"-
[01:00] <Minaplo> ["You only brought one bottle." Said Alphonse dismissively, taking the bottle out of Blue's hands, cracking the seal promptly, opening the bottle and taking a direct, hard swig.-
[01:01] <Minaplo> [After he took his mouthful he dabbed at his mouth lightly with the corner of the bed cover, looking completely unfazed. "Your move, Mr. Blue."-
[01:02] <Minaplo> ["You know, there's water here." Volunteered the Brofessor. "You're- you're supposed-"-
[01:05] <Minaplo> ["You know, you're acting tough, little man." Said Mr. Blue after a long pause. "But that's real shit there, you know. It's banned in China. You're playing chicken here, and you know you'll turn first."-
[01:13] <Minaplo> ["I see." Alphonse murmured, taking another mouthful and staring Mr. Blue square in the eye.-
[01:13] <Minaplo> ["… Heh. This is gonna be fun." Mr. Blue reached for the bottle.-
[01:13] <Minaplo> [But Alphonse snatched it away. "My bottle. Get your own absinthe."-
[16:23] <@Minaplo> [… And so, Mr. Blue would depart, returning sometime later with a handful of other bottles, leading to loud protestations from the Brofessor which were promptly ignored. Seals were cracked.-
[16:23] <@Minaplo> ["May the best man win." Said Alphonse solemnly.-
[16:23] <@Minaplo> ["It's a bit early to be offering congrats, little man." Said Mr. Blue with a smirk. They began to drink.-
[16:28] <@Minaplo> [The first fifteen minutes passed as one would expect. Alphonse and Mr. Blue drank furiously at each other, whilst the Brofessor gingerly sipped his watered glass with all the happiness of a school of plankton being processed through the baleen of a whale.-
[16:29] <@Minaplo> […-
[16:30] <@Minaplo> ["So… So like, it cost me like, -all- the mafiabucks, right." Said Mr. Blue, regaling the room with a grand tale. "But I went, yaknowut, I dun't get all the comps I'm promps, you know? So I got me this -badass- rock system."-
[16:33] <@Minaplo> ["Rocks?" Asked Alphonse, his brow furrowing.-
[16:34] <@Minaplo> ["Nono, rock, well, not -just- rock, also does techno and shit, y'know." Mr. Blue leaned towards Alphonse, the bottles spilling all over the bed. "Untz untz-"-
[16:34] <@Minaplo> ["I wouldn't know." Mumbled Alphonse, blushing.-
[16:35] <@Minaplo> ["Buddineedaname!" Said Mr. Blue, sitting up. "A real kickass name. All the best rock systems got names. Whaddyewthink, Bro?"-
[16:37] <@Minaplo> [At this point, Alphonse groped about at the bottles on his bed, grabbing one before he promptly toppled off the side with a yelp.-
[16:37] <@Minaplo> ["Alphonse!" Snapped the Brofessor, nearly rising to his feet before deciding that that was, in fact, a horrible idea.-
[16:38] <@Minaplo> ["What?" Mr. Blue frowned. "Well shit, whaddyathink, Welles-?"-
[16:38] <@Minaplo> [Alphonse grumpily pulled himself back up onto the bed, swaying only a little. "Name it whatever you want."-
[16:38] <@Minaplo> ["I WILL!"-
[16:38] <@Minaplo> ["Good! Do it!"-
[16:38] <@Minaplo> ["JUST WATCH ME!"-
[16:38] <@Minaplo> [None of them noticed that Alphonse hadn't returned with the bottle he'd grabbed.-
[16:43] <@Minaplo> [At some point, Mr. Blue stepped out to fetch more bottles, giving Alphonse the duty of talking with an especially inebriated Brofessor.-
[16:43] <@Minaplo> ["He'sh… Hesh good guy, Bluu." Mumbled the Brofessor. "Errywan shinks hes a maddog, but hesh really not. Hesh more…"-
[16:43] <@Minaplo> ["More, uh…"-
[16:44] <@Minaplo> ["… Like a mad puppy?" Volunteered Alphonse.-
[16:44] <@Minaplo> ["Yushush!"-
[16:45] <@Minaplo> [Eventually, Mr. Blue returned, bottles in his hand…-
[16:45] <@Minaplo> [As well as a long wooden box. "Heyheyhey guess what I found?"-
[16:45] <@Minaplo> [Alphonse eyed the box suspiciously. "What?"-
[16:45] <@Minaplo> ["Well, I was like, hmmm, maybe I can find the king of all booze in Alves' office, right? So I am like, hi door, fuck you door, BAM! And what do I find on her desk?"-
[16:46] <@Minaplo> [He tossed the box at Alphonse, who barely avoided a broken nose, throwing his hands up and shielding his face. The box smacked off his knuckles and clattered onto the bed, allowing the beleaguered OD to crack open the lid. Within…-
[16:46] <@Minaplo> ["… No."-
[16:46] <@Minaplo> ["Yep yep yep yep."-
[16:46] <@Minaplo> ["No!"-
[16:46] <@Minaplo> ["C'monnnnn you gotta."-
[16:46] <@Minaplo> ["Shan't!"-
[16:46] <@Minaplo> ["Betchatotallywill."-
[16:48] <@Minaplo> [Five minutes later, Mr. Blue and Alphonse were reclining on the bed once more, a collection of full, half-full and empty alcohol bottles in a pile between them. The both of them held a long, burning cigar in their hands, from which Mr. Blue took long draws and from which Alphonse tried to make it look like he was taking long draws.-
[16:54] <@Minaplo> [The Brofessor got from his chair, swaying very dangerously, a glass sloshing about in his hand. He stumbled forward, falling near onto the bed, his hand on Mr. Blue's chest.-
[16:54] <@Minaplo> ["Eyeyoffaget-"-
[17:00] <@Minaplo> ["Nish puppy." Mumbled the Brofessor, patting Mr. Blue's face clumsily, avoiding burning his palm on the lit cigar by mere centimetres.-
[17:00] <@Minaplo> [Mr. Blue irritably pushed the Brofessor away, where he tumbled and fell.-
[17:00] <@Minaplo> ["…"-
[17:00] <@Minaplo> ["… Is he dead?" Asked Alphonse curiously.-
[17:00] <@Minaplo> ["Duncare, lemmesee."-
[17:01] <@Minaplo> ["Nope." Said Mr. Blue a moment later, taking a puff on his cigar.-
[17:09] <@Minaplo> [For the next half hour or so, their increasingly disorganised drinking game would continue unabated- bottles were drained, some curiously going missing, Mr. Blue keeping up a constant stream of strangely interesting babble.-
[17:10] <@Minaplo> [Halfway through a story about Mr. Blue's long conversation with himself from another dimension (this one had a top hat), Alphonse…-
[17:10] <@Minaplo> [Began to cry.-
[17:14] <@Minaplo> ["Uh." Mr. Blue looked over at him, sheepishly. "Isnothatbad! I shoulda knew you liked top hats-"-
[17:22] <@Minaplo> ["Shut up, you fool." Said Alphonse, rubbing at his eyes, trying to hold back the tears and the hiccups. "I- I don't care about top hats or whatever- whatever you're on." He shook his head, his long blonde hair bouncing wildly.-
[17:22] <@Minaplo> ["I- I just miss- I miss Rei, that's all…"-
[17:22] <@Minaplo> ["Oh."-
[17:22] <@Minaplo> [Mr. Blue scratched his chin, shooking the sleeping Brofessor a filthy look. "Well, er, you really miss her?"-
[17:23] <@Minaplo> ["O-Of course I do, s-simpleton! I love h-her, of course I would-"-
[17:24] <@Minaplo> ["You really love her?"-
[17:24] <@Minaplo> [Alphonse didn't respond, instead preferring to affix Mr. Blue with a dark, angry, red-eyed glare.-
[17:25] <@Minaplo> ["Well, uh." Mr. Blue looked vaguely uncomfortable. "That's… S'rough, bud." He patted Alphonse on the shoulder awkwardly.-
[17:25] <@Minaplo> ["Maybe s'your drinkin' problem."-
[17:25] <@Minaplo> ["… My what?"-
[17:26] <@Minaplo> ["Yeah, yer drinkin'. Person likeya don't put away all this booze without havin' a ser'us booze problem." Said Mr. Blue, nodding sagely. "Yer barely slurrin' yer mouthysounds. Yeah, I reckon she got sick of all the booze."-
[17:26] <@Minaplo> [Alphonse continued to stare at Mr. Blue with that hateful, baleful look.-
[17:29] <@Minaplo> ["S'tough." Said Mr. Blue, nodding slowly. "Comin' home fromma hard day of Evangelionin', find you slumped over the table, yellin' insults."-
[17:29] <@Minaplo> [He slugged Alphonse in the shoulder, hard. Drunk Mr. Blue had little moderation, and the blow forced a sharp hiss of pain from Al's lips.-
[17:29] <@Minaplo> ["W-What was that for, sluggard?"-
[17:32] <@Minaplo> ["S'CUZ YOU'RE A SHITTY HUSBAND, ASSHOLE!" Bellowed Mr. Blue, his eyes staring at Alphonse's many noses. "THINK 'BOUT THE FUCKIN' KIDS FOR ONCE!"-
[17:32] <@Minaplo> ["…"-
[17:32] <@Minaplo> ["… I'm really drunk." Said Mr. Blue apologetically.-
[17:34] <@Minaplo> [There was no response from Alphonse.-
[17:34] <@Minaplo> ["…"-
[17:34] <@Minaplo> ["…"-
[17:35] <@Minaplo> ["… So, er, hyperfectially." Began Mr. Blue. "Hypopectorally. Hypopectorally speakin', this Rei you miss…"-
[17:35] <@Minaplo> ["… Yes?"-
[17:37] <@Minaplo> ["Hypopectorally, what part of Rei, I mean, that is, of Rei's-" He made a vague, incomprehensible shape in the air. "I've lost it. S'the recipe to the cake, y'know?"-
[17:38] <@Minaplo> ["Rei's cake?"-
[17:38] <@Minaplo> ["Yes! No. Rei -is- the cake."-
[17:38] <@Minaplo> ["… I beg your pardon?"-
[17:38] <@Minaplo> ["I mean. Ingredients! Yeah. What ingredient dya miss?"-
[17:38] <@Minaplo> ["From the… Cake?"-
[17:38] <@Minaplo> ["Yes! No. From Rei."-
[17:39] <@Minaplo> ["She- she isn't a cake."-
[17:39] <@Minaplo> ["She could be."-
[17:39] <@Minaplo> ["I'm pretty sure she is not a cake."-
[17:40] <@Minaplo> ["… Oh really?" Asked Mr. Blue, wiggling his eyebrows in an approximation of rakish naughtiness.-
[17:41] <@Minaplo> ["…" Alphonse went red, even through his tears.-
[17:41] <@Minaplo> [Mr. Blue sidled a bit closer- a bit closer- then leaned towards Alphonse. "Hey. Hey Alphonse. Hey."-
[17:41] <@Minaplo> ["W-what?"-
[17:43] <@Minaplo> ["Yer… Yer still in a drrrrrreaaaaaaaaam, cake eataaah." He crooned, before collapsing into helpless giggles, as though he had told the funniest joke in the world.-
[17:51] <@Minaplo> ["Tch." Alphonse took another swig from a bottle.-
[17:51] <@Minaplo> ["B-But nah, serious. S'qualities, I mean." Mumbled Mr. Blue, emerging from his giggle fit.-
[17:53] <@Minaplo> ["Qualities?"-
[17:54] <@Minaplo> ["Yah, like- like eyes like full moons or t'way she sparkles…"-
[17:55] <@Minaplo> ["…" Alphonse thought for a moment, sipping at his bottle. Eventually he said- "Rei's face."-
[17:55] <@Minaplo> ["S'a cute face."-
[17:55] <@Minaplo> ["The cutest."-
[17:55] <@Minaplo> ["…"-
[17:56] <@Minaplo> ["But I mean." Mumbled Alphonse, his face growing red. "Her eyes are- red, and… They should be scary, b-but they're just- pretty and warm. She makes red a gentle colour." He nodded slowly to himself. "And… And her smile, and the way she smiles sometimes when she sleeps, and waking up to that and ohgodletmeoutplease-"-
[17:57] <@Minaplo> [Mr. Blue instinctively flinched as Alphonse's tears doubled.-
[17:57] <@Minaplo> ["I can't stand it! It's so cold here! I want Rei! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out let me out-"-
[17:57] <@Minaplo> ["S'not -that- cold." Mumbled Mr. Blue. "In fact-"-
[17:58] <@Minaplo> [Alphonse rolled over and began to pound ineffectually at Mr. Blue's chest, the alcohol robbing him of his strength so that Mr. Blue barely felt it. "Y'can't keep me here! I gotta see Rei! L-Let me out…"-
1[13:01] <@Minaplo> ["Er." Mr. Blue gently reached out and pushed Alphonse away. "Shhhh." He picked up a bottle and held it out to Alphonse. "Shhh. Let the green fairy replace your blue one for now."-
01[13:10] <@Minaplo> ["…"-
01[13:10] <@Minaplo> [An hour passed, an hour in which Alphonse and Mr. Blue whittled down yet more far-too-potent alcohol. Eventually, however, one of them had to give out…-
01[13:11] <@Minaplo> [… And it was Mr. Blue, who, although blithering drunk, was not quite drunk enough to forget that he was drunk. "S'bullshit."-
01[13:11] <@Minaplo> ["…Mmm?"-
01[13:11] <@Minaplo> ["S'bullshit. M'like, s'human champion an' errythin and I'm losin' at all the drinkies." He frowned deeply.-
01[13:12] <@Minaplo> ["There must be a winner." Said Alphonse quietly, tucking another bottle of booze away. "I am not quite as light as I look."-
01[13:13] <@Minaplo> ["S'bullshit. S'AT crap or sumthin'. Absolue Sobreety." He glowered at Alphonse. "S'cheat."-
01[13:13] <@Minaplo> ["I don't-"-
01[13:13] <@Minaplo> ["Y'girl does, s'close enough, shit rubs off… I think." He frowned in confusion. "… Should prob'ly take Brofus. An' sleep."-
01[13:14] <@Minaplo> ["It's a good idea." Said Alphonse wisely.-
01[13:15] <@Minaplo> ["Mmm." Mr. Blue dragged himself out of bed, barked a command at the room to cease its insolent rotations, then grabbed the Brofessor and managed to heft him up over his shoulder. "S… S'nt last of me." He grumbled as he slouched to the door. "S'gonna gityer."-
01[13:17] <@Minaplo> [And with that profound declaration, Mr. Blue was gone.-
01[13:17] <@Minaplo> [Alphonse sighed, slumping back onto the bed. He held up his right hand, shook his sleeve. An ornate silvery zippo lighter fell out and into his hand. He'd taken it from Mr. Blue's jacket during his ineffectual chest-thumping.-
01[13:18] <@Minaplo> [And of course he had managed to filch three or four more-or-less untouched bottles of high-strength alcohol.-
01[13:18] <@Minaplo> [A place like this probably ran on generator power, too, since allowing an exterior force to shut off the electricity with a switch would be too foolish…-
01[13:19] <@Minaplo> [How had he managed it? Walking into a drinking game of such high volatility and emerging victorious?-
01[13:20] <@Minaplo> [He pocketed the lighter. The Companions had trained in many, many areas, and to be a truly full-fledged graduate required at least adequate marks in each field. It was why there were so few proper graduates. Only he and Minerva counted, and even then, only he had really mastered it.-
01[13:21] <@Minaplo> [He was, of course, a genius, because only a genius would be capable of the absurd level of audacity in stealing and backwashing booze right under their captors' nose, and only a genius would have the mental fortitude and strength of will to meditate their body into a state where the alcohol had no effect.-
01[13:21] <@Minaplo> [… Which really meant that in six hours time, he'd be throwing up practically every drop of the liquid he had just drank, and he would then have to take a -very- long shower just to clear the fog out.-
01[13:22] <@Minaplo> [But he had a plan now. A crazy, foolish plan, the 'last resort of Sun Tzu', so to speak. But he'd made gains today. The Brofessor was here, and Mr. Blue was probably feeling friendlier now…-
01[13:23] <@Minaplo> [Everything was going according to plan so far.]

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License