Who Wants to Play Grand League?
Mina Haplo 23 May 2018 07:23
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Hello, Doublebabies. Which amongst you dares to challenge a grandmaster at a game of Grand League?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
I AWAIT A RESPONSE, DOUBLEBABIES.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Check your translation app, Mantlehammer. It's 'Twiceborn', not 'Doublebabies'.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
I know what I said, Doublebaby.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Oh, you do not know with whom you deal, you space-monkey punk!
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Come at me, then, Doublebaby. Show me what your big muscles can do!
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Shh.
I love me some board games. What's Grand League?
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
Sigh.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Glad you asked, Doublebaby!
Grand League is a board game of strategy and deceit. It is a game for four players. One player takes the side of the 'Overseer Empire', whilst the other three players take the side of the Grand League (1/2)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Made up of the Flying Sovereign State, the Defector Fleet, and the Ardent Taxiarch Republic. The three Grand League players are allies against the Empire.
The trick is that the Empire starts off more powerful than any single one of the League players.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
So it's an asymmetrical strategy game.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
That's right!
Here's how you play. Every player starts with a handful of planets. There are 32 planets linked by the Celestial Way to each other, and 16 of them are Overseer. 6 of them are Flying Sovereign, 6 are Ardents, and 4 are Defector (1/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Of these 32 planets, 8 are Capital worlds. Every Capital world you own increases the number of forces you can support, and you can produce one force per Capital you own per turn.
You position forces on planets. Each planet can only have one fleet and one invader on it at a time. (2/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
There are two types of forces: Fleets and Invaders.
Fleets fight other fleets. You move a fleet against an enemy fleet to attack it. Other fleets can support a friendly fleet if they're next to where the battle is being fought. (3/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Whoever has more fleets wins, and the loser has to retreat to an empty planet. If there aren't any available, the fleet is destroyed.
However, a planet doesn't become yours until you move an Invader onto it. If the planet is empty, it becomes yours. (4/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
If the planet has an enemy Invader on it, then you need to have an Invader and a Fleet in orbit to take it, and the Fleet can't be involved in any other battles this turn.
Defending Invaders that lose are always destroyed. (5/5)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Sounds pretty simple. The League and the Empire have the same number of starting capitals?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Yep.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Then it's just two sides, but one side has three players. What's the kick?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Well that's the whole thing. The four sides play differently to each other.
The Empire has a bonus called 'Interdictors'. If an enemy Fleet is orbiting one of the original 16 Overseer planets and loses to an Overseer attack, it cannot retreat and dies instantly. (1/4).
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Ardents have a bonus called 'Martial'. Invaders that attack an Ardent planet are always destroyed, even if they win. (2/4)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Defectors have a bonus called 'Proxies'. Every time one of the original 16 League planets is conquered for the first time, the Defectors get a free Fleet or Invader out of nowhere. (3/4)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Sovereigns have a bonus called 'Inspire'. If a Sovereign fleet is supported in a battle by a fleet from a different League player, then the original Sovereign fleet doubles its weight in the battle calculations. (4/4)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
It sounds like the Overseers are disadvantaged.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Wait 'til you learn how you win.
So each game lasts for sixteen turns. Each turn has everyone write down their orders and reveal them at the same time. (1/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
At the end of those turns, you figure out who wins.
The Overseer Empire always has the same goal: the Empire wins if they either end the game with more Capitals than they started with, or if no Grand League player has achieved their goal. (2/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
But each Grand League player has a different goal than the other League players.
The Sovereigns always have the same goal: end the game with all of their original Capitals, and gain one Capital from the Overseers. (3/3)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
What about the Defectors and Ardents?
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
This game is slanderous, Mantlehammer.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Snap your knees over it, bird.
The Ardents and Defectors are special. They each have three possible goals, and at the start of the game, they draw one at random and hide it from the other players. (1/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Ardents:
1) Lose none of their original planets, and destroy 8 or more Overseer units.
2) Lose none of their original planets, and lose no fewer than 2 units.
3) Have a total of 10 planets. (2/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Defectors:
1) Have at least one Capital at the end of the game.
2) End the game owning eight Capitals.
3) End the game owning eight units. (3/3)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Okay, let me work this out.
A lot of these goals aren't exclusive.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Go on.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Well the Empire can force a win by never losing a Capital to the Sovereigns, then taking and holding a single planet from the Ardents, and then just holding.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Yep.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Hold on. This is a game where all the information is available except the objectives of the Defectors and Ardents.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
And there you go.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
So the Sovereign player can't predict the goals of the Defectors and Ardents.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Exactly.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
And the Sovereigns' bonus relies on support from their allies.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
But… The Ardents' goals and bonuses are all around protecting their starting worlds.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
And the Defectors… Hold on, if the Defectors start with 4 planets, that's enough to get 8 units just through Proxies. So two of their objectives encourage leaving the other League players high and dry!
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Hah. I get it. The League goals turn them against each other.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Exactly.
All of the Leagues' objectives can be won by invading and defeating the Empire.
But the Empire's bonus encourages the Empire to launch heavy counter-attacks, which makes it hard to invade them properly.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
So…
It's easier for the League players to win by weakening the other League players.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Unless you're a Sovereign player, yep.
Also, if two players win at the same time, they split the winnings.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
And now you see why this game is slanderous.
It's a 'portrayal' of the 3rd Defector League War, the war where the Flying Sovereigns were tragically conquered by the Overseers.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Conquered because when our invasions of the Empire went to hell, the Defectors took their precious fleet and ran, and the Ardents tightened their borders and made themselves not worth invading.
Yours truly, though? We were left high and dry like a jockstrap on a desert clothesline.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
70% of the Defector peoples were on those ships! We were gambling with our entire civilization!
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
80% of my people were exterminated because of that war, bird.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
And we've spent 800 years doing our best to save the rest.
We lost many, many people in that war. Their memories deserve better than a game that claims we somehow orchestrated for others to bear the brunt of the sacrifice.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
The Defectors were fighting the Overseers long before any of you left your world.
Generation after generation, traumatised over and over by a never-ending war, for no other reason than to prevent the Empire from destroying people like you.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
You have the right to your opinion, but a little gratitude for our pain would not go astray.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
And what of the literal dozens of Wildflower species you've dragged into war after war? Proxy Species that the Empire might've ignored if you hadn't given them the reason to bring down the axe?
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
The Empire will conquer us all unless everyone does their part, as much as they can! How does the galaxy not understand that?
What will it take, for the Empire to march a million troops through Symphonia's streets? By then, it will be too late!
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Say whatever you will, bird. Perhaps you're made of firmer stuff.
But your ancestors were cowards.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
Insult my ancestors again, Sovereign, and you'll see what I've earned in a century of war.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Hold up! Hold up! Wait a damn minute!
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
I know we're involving ourselves in what seems to be a centuries-old debate, but perhaps we can offer a compromise?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Oh good.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
HeavyLolter and I, we've been discussing a little mod for your game.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Really.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
A fourth faction: the Twiceborn Federation. They start with only one capital.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
But their special bonus is that their Fleets and Invaders can move to any planet in the game without using the Celestial Way.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
And they only have one goal: ensure every other League faction achieves their goal at the same time.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
That's a big promise to live up to, Twiceborn.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Yep.
But I think we're good for it.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Heh.
Aight.
Hello, Doublebabies. Which amongst you dares to challenge a grandmaster at a game of Grand League?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
I AWAIT A RESPONSE, DOUBLEBABIES.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Check your translation app, Mantlehammer. It's 'Twiceborn', not 'Doublebabies'.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
I know what I said, Doublebaby.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Oh, you do not know with whom you deal, you space-monkey punk!
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Come at me, then, Doublebaby. Show me what your big muscles can do!
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Shh.
I love me some board games. What's Grand League?
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
Sigh.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Glad you asked, Doublebaby!
Grand League is a board game of strategy and deceit. It is a game for four players. One player takes the side of the 'Overseer Empire', whilst the other three players take the side of the Grand League (1/2)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Made up of the Flying Sovereign State, the Defector Fleet, and the Ardent Taxiarch Republic. The three Grand League players are allies against the Empire.
The trick is that the Empire starts off more powerful than any single one of the League players.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
So it's an asymmetrical strategy game.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
That's right!
Here's how you play. Every player starts with a handful of planets. There are 32 planets linked by the Celestial Way to each other, and 16 of them are Overseer. 6 of them are Flying Sovereign, 6 are Ardents, and 4 are Defector (1/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Of these 32 planets, 8 are Capital worlds. Every Capital world you own increases the number of forces you can support, and you can produce one force per Capital you own per turn.
You position forces on planets. Each planet can only have one fleet and one invader on it at a time. (2/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
There are two types of forces: Fleets and Invaders.
Fleets fight other fleets. You move a fleet against an enemy fleet to attack it. Other fleets can support a friendly fleet if they're next to where the battle is being fought. (3/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Whoever has more fleets wins, and the loser has to retreat to an empty planet. If there aren't any available, the fleet is destroyed.
However, a planet doesn't become yours until you move an Invader onto it. If the planet is empty, it becomes yours. (4/5)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
If the planet has an enemy Invader on it, then you need to have an Invader and a Fleet in orbit to take it, and the Fleet can't be involved in any other battles this turn.
Defending Invaders that lose are always destroyed. (5/5)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Sounds pretty simple. The League and the Empire have the same number of starting capitals?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Yep.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Then it's just two sides, but one side has three players. What's the kick?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Well that's the whole thing. The four sides play differently to each other.
The Empire has a bonus called 'Interdictors'. If an enemy Fleet is orbiting one of the original 16 Overseer planets and loses to an Overseer attack, it cannot retreat and dies instantly. (1/4).
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Ardents have a bonus called 'Martial'. Invaders that attack an Ardent planet are always destroyed, even if they win. (2/4)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Defectors have a bonus called 'Proxies'. Every time one of the original 16 League planets is conquered for the first time, the Defectors get a free Fleet or Invader out of nowhere. (3/4)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Sovereigns have a bonus called 'Inspire'. If a Sovereign fleet is supported in a battle by a fleet from a different League player, then the original Sovereign fleet doubles its weight in the battle calculations. (4/4)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
It sounds like the Overseers are disadvantaged.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Wait 'til you learn how you win.
So each game lasts for sixteen turns. Each turn has everyone write down their orders and reveal them at the same time. (1/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
At the end of those turns, you figure out who wins.
The Overseer Empire always has the same goal: the Empire wins if they either end the game with more Capitals than they started with, or if no Grand League player has achieved their goal. (2/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
But each Grand League player has a different goal than the other League players.
The Sovereigns always have the same goal: end the game with all of their original Capitals, and gain one Capital from the Overseers. (3/3)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
What about the Defectors and Ardents?
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
This game is slanderous, Mantlehammer.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Snap your knees over it, bird.
The Ardents and Defectors are special. They each have three possible goals, and at the start of the game, they draw one at random and hide it from the other players. (1/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Ardents:
1) Lose none of their original planets, and destroy 8 or more Overseer units.
2) Lose none of their original planets, and lose no fewer than 2 units.
3) Have a total of 10 planets. (2/3)
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
The Defectors:
1) Have at least one Capital at the end of the game.
2) End the game owning eight Capitals.
3) End the game owning eight units. (3/3)
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Okay, let me work this out.
A lot of these goals aren't exclusive.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Go on.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Well the Empire can force a win by never losing a Capital to the Sovereigns, then taking and holding a single planet from the Ardents, and then just holding.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Yep.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Hold on. This is a game where all the information is available except the objectives of the Defectors and Ardents.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
And there you go.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
So the Sovereign player can't predict the goals of the Defectors and Ardents.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Exactly.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
And the Sovereigns' bonus relies on support from their allies.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
But… The Ardents' goals and bonuses are all around protecting their starting worlds.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
And the Defectors… Hold on, if the Defectors start with 4 planets, that's enough to get 8 units just through Proxies. So two of their objectives encourage leaving the other League players high and dry!
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
Hah. I get it. The League goals turn them against each other.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Exactly.
All of the Leagues' objectives can be won by invading and defeating the Empire.
But the Empire's bonus encourages the Empire to launch heavy counter-attacks, which makes it hard to invade them properly.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
So…
It's easier for the League players to win by weakening the other League players.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Unless you're a Sovereign player, yep.
Also, if two players win at the same time, they split the winnings.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
And now you see why this game is slanderous.
It's a 'portrayal' of the 3rd Defector League War, the war where the Flying Sovereigns were tragically conquered by the Overseers.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Conquered because when our invasions of the Empire went to hell, the Defectors took their precious fleet and ran, and the Ardents tightened their borders and made themselves not worth invading.
Yours truly, though? We were left high and dry like a jockstrap on a desert clothesline.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
70% of the Defector peoples were on those ships! We were gambling with our entire civilization!
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
80% of my people were exterminated because of that war, bird.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
And we've spent 800 years doing our best to save the rest.
We lost many, many people in that war. Their memories deserve better than a game that claims we somehow orchestrated for others to bear the brunt of the sacrifice.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
The Defectors were fighting the Overseers long before any of you left your world.
Generation after generation, traumatised over and over by a never-ending war, for no other reason than to prevent the Empire from destroying people like you.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
You have the right to your opinion, but a little gratitude for our pain would not go astray.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
And what of the literal dozens of Wildflower species you've dragged into war after war? Proxy Species that the Empire might've ignored if you hadn't given them the reason to bring down the axe?
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
The Empire will conquer us all unless everyone does their part, as much as they can! How does the galaxy not understand that?
What will it take, for the Empire to march a million troops through Symphonia's streets? By then, it will be too late!
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Say whatever you will, bird. Perhaps you're made of firmer stuff.
But your ancestors were cowards.
Calligrapher-of-the-Ultraviolet-Inks @GuideViolet
Insult my ancestors again, Sovereign, and you'll see what I've earned in a century of war.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Hold up! Hold up! Wait a damn minute!
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
I know we're involving ourselves in what seems to be a centuries-old debate, but perhaps we can offer a compromise?
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Oh good.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
HeavyLolter and I, we've been discussing a little mod for your game.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Really.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
A fourth faction: the Twiceborn Federation. They start with only one capital.
Positron Bath Bomb @HeavyLolter
But their special bonus is that their Fleets and Invaders can move to any planet in the game without using the Celestial Way.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
And they only have one goal: ensure every other League faction achieves their goal at the same time.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
That's a big promise to live up to, Twiceborn.
Zero G Bigboss @gagarintrader
Yep.
But I think we're good for it.
Muscle Lusty Prince @mantlehammer
Heh.
Aight.